The Heart

What is the most complicated thing in the world?
The heart probably; but this post merely tries to engross myself into amazement on what the size of this complex thingy should be/would be.

Having spent 4 prime years of my life in BITS, a part of my heart lies there in Pilani, in some corner of VK QT. Am sure that there will be many others who would agree with me that their parts of their hearts are also roaming around rent-less in FDs or some other Reidis of the campus.

But here is the point; Pilani is not the only place that a part of my heart has ever set up a permanent camp. How about Guntur, my domicile? Not sure if bigger or smaller than Pilani version, a part of my heart stays there too.

And the lists of places continue- Bangalore probably holds the greater part of it, with some part shared by Bay Area. And not to forget Vizayanagaram, the place I was born or Jangareddy Gudem – the place that brought me up and took my dad away from me!
So many pieces; aren’t they?

And whatever piece remains in me - its overloaded with a hell lot of stuff. Remember the iPad that is there for a long time now (and never actually came to me). And all those cool looking shirts, SLR cams, laptops, bikes, cars, and (OK, let me stop here). Ufff, should be Very Very Very much stuffed.

And this is after we throw away our hearts on all those good-looking girls of the planet and given it completely to that one special person* after a lot of trail(s) and error.
And how can you downplay all those friends and family that have a special place in there.

'I Love APIs', and if you are like me, your heart should have been by now, full of XML, Java, or all those crappy looking circuit diagrams or flowcharts. Technology and work I mean, an ocean by itself.

And now what should be the size of this heart - should be pretty massive to fit the above requirements description in logical terms.
But if it is, how many liters of water would be required to fill it up with tears or how many kilos of happiness would be required to fill it with joy? Somehow all that it takes is a little praise/compliment.

So what do you think the size be?
Scientists say - the size of a fist!
Can't be… Can it be? It does feel very very heavy sometimes…

eNjoy,
Morus

*PS 1: If you still remember where you saw that *, it was just a generalization.
PS 2: Tried to, but couldn’t avoid the psenti part.

The Species Called ...

Note 1: This is THE post that I was giving heads up about, in my previous posts
Note 2: There are always exceptions. If you stay abroad, you are exactly the exception I am talking about. But there is a small quiz at the end, if you like to take.
Note 3: Famous or infamous, any controversy adds popularity. What is the best way to gain overseas popularity than taking a dig against them?
Note 4: All the people living abroad are mature enough to laugh at themselves, and still feel good about it
Note 5: No one throws stones at fruitless trees. Only those full of then get hits.

That’s it guys, I ran out of comments that can pacify ‘The species called NRIs’
Long long ago Darwin classified the life on earth - called them reptiles, mammals etc and gave the gold to humans. And even before that, the men self-divided selves in whatever way possible (race, country, religion etc). But somehow everyone left it to the genius of Morus to classify this most superior species called NRIs

The term is first coined by Indian government and called it "Non Resident Indians". (For some reason, they are called NRIs even if they come back). It's only after the release of Swadesh, the real meaning was brought to light by Ashutosh Gowariker - "Non Returning Indians". Well but they do return to India, at-least briefly. But probably, since they can never return to being Indians, this definition holds true. Dodge this – ‘you will never see a day that they don’t speak about abroad, when they are in India.’ (And if there is, it is most likely that they are alone in the house that day.)
I think this is the funniest reply I’ve seen from a 2 months old, 3rd generation NRI. "Typical California Weather." The question is irrelevant, but 2 months to judge a typical California weather, and certifying that California in-fact has California weather qualifies it to top the charts.

“I am not complaining”, is how these conversations start but the rest of the conversations will be nothing but complaints on why India is not like US or doesn’t have tubes like London etc.

The optimist part of me used to think that it is just their concern for their motherland that they complain. But the water cooler discussions are what enlightened me to the fact that it is just an attention war (Ex: Walk on the Manhattan road, you will realize San Francisco is just another laidback city). And hence this post is to certify that they win the war and they are in-fact the most superior species that ever lived on the sub-continent.

Like any other species, NRIs also affect the ecosystem around them. If you are an Andhraite, you would definitely have heard a comment or two on this NRI hype; from their agents (also called family) left behind on this less privileged place. With all the sophistication they have somehow they are the best selling item in the marriage market. People who crib about the Indian corruption/bribes take the highest dowry (for me, both of them are not very different.)

Who knows, may be this time around I will comeback with a "I heart NY" in Bangalore, cursing the luggage delay and boasting about the difference between (read as greatness of) Hong Kong airport and San Jose airport to my comrade NRI (remember the water cooler discussions?).

But here is a small test if you want to measure the NRIness in you. Will put the answers in comments in a while.

All the questions start with “In India:”

1. iPhone or Android , who do you think the people will support?

2. What is the flight fare from Bangalore to Chennai?

3. What is the max speed you can do on Mumbai - Pune freeway?

4. What is the federal law for audio piracy?

eNjoy,
Morus

PS 1: Nothing... really...

The Great Bangalore JAM

Just a few months back I was claiming that I enjoy the commute to office, as my Apache RTR would be waiting every morning to zap me through the 12 KM outer ring road stretch in 20 mins, taking a brief break at the few signals that would let me overtake the fast moving 4 wheelers. But this day, it took me 2 hours to reach the office. When I told my friends about this they said that this 10x* delay is nothing when compared to their best scores. But getting drenched both in sweat and drizzles in the same commute, I have my due rights to crib. And here comes this post: on the great Bangalore Traffic JAM

The traffic was fun as I could manage to drive through the small gaps the SUVs would leave for the bikers like me: to have the excitement of leaving the rich commuters behind with their morning radio, the fun that bikers alone would understand and appreciate. And when the theory of particle moment decided no more movement of liquid particles, I stopped.

A moment latter a vibrating tummy stopped next to me, as the scooty carrying it could move no further. The engine stopped when the burning petrol was no longer a global warming concern, but his monthly budget consideration. As global warming and overloading of poor vehicles were not the interesting of the topics, I decided to move ahead to a trail that will take me to the next signal. Apparently there are many more like me on the road, trying to advance. But amazingly the collective effort by all the individual drivers has an inverse effect of the traffic as a whole – it won’t move an inch.

The only cheerful things were the forward jokes on traffic Jams that I could memorize. I remember one of my bro’s friends telling me that he used to take a newspaper with him on the way to office, and would finish reading every corner of it by the time he reached office. If the traffic remained like that for few more days, I would have to think about some innovative idea – a new company till work (female of-course) or a new company to work for (closer to my home)

Am not sure if it’s the weather that responded to my mood or vise-versa, but both of them turned irksome. The sun should have read some twitter update. He came all his way pushing the clouds aside to check out this JAM and bless us with some free vitamins. After what looked like an era the traffic finally started moving. And then the auto guys who were standing on a perfect 45-degree angle to cross the road from the closed drains managed to do the honors. The traffic stopped again, almost– moving at a speed of 2 kmph (~ 1.25 mph for all you NRIs)

The immediate signal finally came within an hour. It’s not just the lack of basic needs of food and shelter; even the frustrating traffic jam drives the senses off people. The rich - poor, educated - illiterate, student - professional, to - fro commuters everybody started squeezing into the small junction – my social teacher john appeared of thin air saying “unity in diversity” to the classroom- me sitting in the second bench. And the realty stuck me “Holy crap! Hallucination – I needed some shade soon or I will faint”

I sure have some powers, within hours* the gods heard me. The sun vanished – probably some other topic was trending on twitter, and soon the clouds took charge drizzling some tears at our apathy.

“Remember SRK’s ‘I DO’, I AM the traffic jam” I said to myself and started steering my bike into the ruthless signal, leaving other poor souls in the back to think about their social teachers.

What was a boring 2 hours in JAM, turned out to be the exciting 15-minute finale. A truck guy with just beard and teeth (if I am to believe only my eyes) started forcing me toward the pavement of the road with his stupid truck blocking my way on to the road. He should be feeling good about helping me- by showing an alternate route he just discovered.

There lies the real reason for the traffic JAM, the fly over under construction. And I am right in the middle of that fbeepng construction. I wonder how these intelligent people think that the red ribbons that they put can really barricade the people entering the site – especially the mini truck terrorists from cross-border.

I turned back furiously to this truck guy and he was gesturing me to go with one hand while his other was on the horn ready to honk if I disobeyed. His only visible white teeth were assuring me that “I am behind you my boy, go ahead”. And few more vehicles followed this Columbus. “Now I can’t really block the innovation”, I convinced myself and moved on.

The road got narrower and the gap between the pits (dug for the pillars of the flyover) smaller as I went on. I turned back, and to my horror, the truck guy wasn’t there. The squander should have found his way towards the Hosur road leaving me in the middle of the construction.

The only spectator was a guy standing at the construction site- should be one of those TV9 Journalists thinking about the right abusive words to blame govt for my death. But to his dismay I managed to cross the patch, thanks to the servicing the previous week, the tires did not skid on that damp scrap.

A twitter post saying “frustrating traffic jam” would have been good enough. But 140 letters are hardly sufficed to let my frustration out. For true, traffic JAM is one of the instances where you realize that it is a myth that you can be in control of your life (circumstances at-least)

eNjoy,
Morus

* PS 1: Time is measured as per Einstein’s theory of relativity "Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute.”

PS 2: The ending comment is more to keep my mark of giving some gyan with every post of mine.

PS 3: I know traffic jam is not one of the fascinating topics, but wanted to throw a challenge at my writing skills (if I can call it a skill yet). Love to hear your comments

PS 4: The NRI comment is the pitch for my next blog

What managers expect...

Am a lil busy guys, these days.. Will catch up with you soon.. and will be something big this time...
(not getting married, of all the things)

meanwhile, dont want you guys to miss the best appraisal fwd mail i got....

What managers expect.... (feel free to use it in your self appraisals, short term/long term goals). A picture is worth 1000 words, if not more :P

It is not my story

Refer to the ‘Wattha Hell Series: The introduction'

It is not my story

If not for that not, the above sentence is heard a lot these days from the India’s best selling author Chetan Bhagat hereinafter called CB. The term of CB means and includes his respective names, nicknames, pen names and extra hyped publicity. (if you want to know more about the controversy, this is your hot stop)
My interest in the topic this time – for a change is not because it managed to reach the top of the crap news that Bangalore Times sells. But because I hold high regards for both the parties involved in the controversy. I am a big fan of direction/plot/screen play of the Munna Bahi series (and 3 idiots just took that regard to the new level), and the other guy for his speeches and columns (I personally feel that his books are crap)

I read this on CB’s blog "I don’t need anything. Even if I have no more movies made on my stories or nobody wants to read my books and columns, I’ll happily join ISKCON and dedicate my life to Krishna. But I will not shy away from the truth – ever." and I felt, what a guy – all the logic in his blog is unquestionable! India needs politicians like him. And then thought about it for a while and felt, what a crap – no surprise if he becomes a politician soon. If this guy talks so much of logic now, what stopped him from using a pitch of it during his involvement in the whole project?

Well, but let’s not take things too seriously. These guys - both CB and 3 idiots team are doing their job – to keep people entertained and give media a bone to bite.
From his blog, looks like CB (along with his fans) has moved on, without getting any of the credits - for what he fought. But what he got is a percentage increase in this fan following, increase in sales of his book and his popularity. I was doing a Google search for some “check” and when I typed “che”, it suggested chetan bhagat (while chess. check, cheap all start with che). Look at his whuffie bank stats for a visual clue of that he achieved – popularity. His books are there for 5 years and he is aleady FAMOUS. But the stats say differently. ( i mean not just this analytics bit, but how often did you hear him in the media pannel discussions before this issue?)




“Read my book, watch the movie – and then you decide” is what he has to say. In the gusto of being a judge, looks like junta are doing both – reading book and watching movie. The sales of his books have been shot up by 30% apparently and 3 idiots movie is crossing breaching all the box office records.
I’ll not be hesitant to believe any rumor saying that this is a self-created melodrama – after all he is an IIM alumni and ex-Investment Banker, who has to now live solely on writings.

By the way, if CB gets his due credit for the movie - will the title be changed to 4 idiots?

eNjoy,
Morus
P.S 1: Since I borrowed most of his dialogues (not sure of the percentage), not to create any controversy, I am giving this post’s credits to CB (that too before any other end rolls)
P.S 2: Did not include 3idiots team, as they don’t take this credits funda seriously

Good that men are not Canibals by default :P

Population of Singapore Same Weight as Amount of Turkey Consumed for Thanksgiving

According to the National Turkey Foundation, approximately 690 million pounds of turkey were consumed in the United States during Thanksgiving 2007. This equals the weight of 4.48 million individuals of average weight (154 pounds); the population of Singapore as estimated by the last census in 2005.

just a fun fact.. no inferences.. 

Happy Thanks Giving 

Because

It’s already 11 AM and I am still in the parking lot of my apartment.
These days, I am consistent in one thing- “Going late to office”.

And another thing along with this has come into my routine, in-fact 2 things- rushing on the roads cursing any living/non living thing that comes in my way. And the other thing is- thinking of a reason to fire out, if any some one is even remotely interested my coming late to office. This part of Sandy’s life is called Creativity.

And the interesting thing is: I started getting a lot of reasons from the time I started looking for one. Though no one cares to ask me about them here in office, I don’t want to let go my creativity to ruins, so posting them (I believe that helping those who are in need of reasons is also a form of social service):

The best one is today’s

The street near our house that I come by is blocked by localities for their Diwali celebrations. And even yesterday, the road is semi blocked by procession for the festival. The interesting thing is- they don’t give a chance to the ppl like me to bawl for blocking the traffic, because they do it first on us. They treat the traffic like the shame on Bangalore’s face… the one that is killing their happiness, peace and freedom. (I dunno what freedom is for them, may be build their own drawing room on the public roads). But today there is no stopping, they managed to put a tent on the road and block both sides of it with heavy stones. Not that I have to travel 10 extra kms because of this, but this is a good enuf reason. What say?

Here is the next best for Bangloreans

When I go to office from marathalli to indiranagar, I see some roads wet because of rain and some really dry. I never felt Bangalore that big, but these different weather reports from different places makes me think otherwise. Nevertheless this is one of the best arrows in my quiver – “It was raining when I started”. But I plan to do this only when the roads in/near my house or office are wet.

And here is the most common one:

Traffic jam near any of the signals, and the best is near 3 or more signals. And you should add ‘I hate Bangalore traffic’ and when you are saying this, you should sound really nasty.... buddy.

And if you come by bike/2 wheeler

say something like 'India is going to dogs; no one can save the country. It is totally corrupt.' You need not mean any of these (and I personally feel that people who abuse the country this freely do not really mean all that they say) but this is just to create a solid base for the reason that you are about to fire. The Traffic police caught me. I had to pay 100 bucks even though I have all the papers, and when some one says “why did you pay?” as a natural reaction to your red lines (I meant all that concern for India), you can say- “I did not want to come late to office, fighting with him. So decided to shed the money ”. Now you see- you can as well gather some goodwill if your manager overhears the conversation. And this works out best if it is the end of a month, you will see some one or the other who really went through this, and they can add some more meat to your reason.

P.S. 1: For me reasons are just reasons, they can’t alter some thing that happened, but just something to make you/others happy, so don’t think too much about right/wrong good/bad true/false when you are giving one. Just give something that works.
P.S. 2: I don’t want to over load this post for the sake of retaining interest, shall post other reasons based on the response to this one
P.S. 3: You can add your own reasons as comments; we can work together on productizing your reason ☺

Watch-out for the signs

Few signs to tell you that you're wasting your time

1. When someone says ‘you look sooooo beautiful’ without giving you any flower.

2. 18 months in 10-6 routine. No raise.

3. When she says, “IF you felt bad, I’m sorry.” (There would be no if, simply “I’m sorry”, if she is really sorry)

4. You read any e-mail when the subject line starts with "Fwd: Fwd:”

5. You’re on diet but still saying, “McDonald's, ba da ba ba baa ... I’m lovin` it!”

6. You listen to Hard-Metal for any other reason than to show your so called COOL friends that you are COOL too.

7. When the anchor in a reality TV show starts saying, “And the winner is …” Better get up and start applying Olay Age Defying Anti-Wrinkle Replenishing Night Cream.

8. You mail shows ‘Zero New Mails’ more than 70% of the time you open it.

9. Your Boss says ‘You are almost there’ all the time. (You should have been there by now, if you were almost there last time)

10. You stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE (I’m actually talking about being over obedient to your boss)

P.S: You can add more to the list as your comments. ☺